I have been a member of NSAI for a long time. I send in my songs to get them evaluated. Maybe you have never seen a song evalation before. I am going to share mine from a song I wrote called, Trusty Side kick. I will also share the lyrics to the song so you can see what I sent in.
It is great to get feedback. I need it. Maybe not as much as I used to but it provides another pair of ears and eyes. Sometimes we can be blind to an error right in front of us. Kinda like getting used to the smell of dirty socks on your bedroom floor. (if you know what I mean) lol
There are six categories- Form/structure, Title/hook, Lyric, Overall Theme Idea, Melody/meter, and Closing comments.
Form/structure- You have the right structure
Title/hook- It's a cool original hook and you use it in a memorable way, however I suggest you set it up with a rhyme scheme in the line before with “kick” so the hook feels like it pays off.
Lyric- You have a lot of cool images here and it's pretty clear it's a story about a little boy and his grandmother looking for monsters. I think what is missing is he waking in the middle of the night frightened? That's what would set that all up. Here it seemss like they are just playing a game, which also works. It's just not clear if it's just a game or a little boy that's afraid of monsters and Grandma is making him feel more secore by looking for them. Also, who is Cooper? The kid? That name comes out of the blue. I suggest you introduce him as Cooper at the top of the song. or just use he. Also, watch your thyme schemes in the chorus. I don't really hear any. Just my thoughts.
Overall Theme/Idea- Cool theme. This could work of the folk/Americana market.
Melody/Meter- Good folk/Americana melodies and feel.
Closing comments- I see where you are confused about the song. I think if you follow my suggestions, it will help your confusion and hopefully help it for the listeners. Keep up the good work.
This is my favortie evaluator at NSAI. I have picked others but I like her feedback. She/he I don't know if it's a guy or a girl, gives me ideas and suggestions on how I can improve my song. Also, by following the suggestions it will help me to write stronger songs in the future.
This let's you see what an evaluation looks like and if it would be beneficial for improving your writing. Here is the copy of the lyrics. I have put (parenthesis) for my corrections. Maybe temporary corrections until I find a better idea.
(Cooper's) Looking for monsters with Grandma by his side
an Iphone flashlight, they'll find where they hide
Monsters and vampires, oh, they hate the sun
Grandma's got his back and a loaded cap gun.
Chorus- Oh Batman's got Robin, Lone Ranger's got Tonto
they all got a friend they fight evil with
She's there when you need her, with her super powers (she's there when you need her, like a pistol on your hip)
Cooper's got Grandma his trusty side kick.
Grandma ain't very big, and she don't look mean
If she see's a spider, oh, she might scream
It's alot of work, saving the earth
So we refuel with her peach cobbler dessert.
Bridge- They will both grow older, like we all do
but he'll never forget, a grandma like you.
Hope this songwritng blog helps you in your songwriting journey.